It will get better tomorrow

I did my speech and I bawled. The tears started forcing their way through before I even got on the stage. I was able to muster up the strength and stop the tears...that was until I got half way through my speech and I had to stop. I said "chotto matte kudasai"(one moment pls) before I could start again. Good thing I had put tissue in my pocket beforehand. So I got through it and as I was heading off stage, everyone stood and started to applaud aaaaaand yea I lost it again. Afterward kyouto-sensei(vice principal) continued on with some more assembly stuff and I was good, or so I thought. Suzuki-sensei informed me that after the assembly, I should stay a few more minutes because the ichi-nen(first year) students wanted to say thank you. So I waited. I was instructed to stand in front of them(about 120 in total), as a class representative from each section came up, gave me class cards that all of the students had signed and said thank you in various ways. I was a mess! It was such a bittersweet moment, but at the time it felt more bitter. I got it together and went back to the staffroom to get the last set of birthday cards I would hand out at the school. After school was finished, Kawamoto-sensei told me there were some san-nen(3rd year) students that wanted to speak to me. When I got outside there were 6 girls just waiting there to talk to me. The way they exclaimed when they saw me almost made me burst into tears again, but I held a brave face as they said their personal goodbyes and how they would miss me...not knowing how to say it in the proper tense and just saying "I miss you"...it was so sweet. We parted ways and as I rode home all I could think was 'why would they structure the teaching program like this? how could they make someone stay at a school for enough time to get attached and then rip their heart out?' hahah seriously, I was really sad. I went home and went straight to my bed feeling miserable. I'm here now, feeling a little bit better and trying not to dwell. I will be going back to the school for lunch tomorrow as my special needs student and her teacher will be cooking for me courtesy of "Rika-chan's kitchen" hahaha. I can't wait. Hopefully tomorrow will be much easier.